we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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