nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
