Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
