gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
