Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
