So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
