sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
