his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
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