Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
