the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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