She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
