Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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