I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
