I'm going to jail i love you
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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