i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize