That's when you crack a 10am beer
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
