there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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