Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize