True but thats because hes a fetus.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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