you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
