I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
