I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
