I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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