just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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