Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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