Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
