she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize