working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize