sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
NoShamevember. You game?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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