chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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