i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
