When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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