Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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