speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Randomize
