sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
