u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
