3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
