The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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