Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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