I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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