We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
