can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize