OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
