i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I have already put on my inside pants.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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