I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
