soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
