The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
