Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
