She is in my trunk
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
