I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
