At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
