I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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