I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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