marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
