her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
