How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
