how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Randomize
