Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
