Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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