the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
