There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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