Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
