Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
