True but thats because hes a fetus.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
