it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
