So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
