RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
