I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
