we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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