I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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