At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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