my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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