every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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