Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
