We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
