so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
