dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I supernannyed him into submission
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
