Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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