The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
