At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
