Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
