I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
