didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize