if you like me you must not know who I am
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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