im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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