I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize