the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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