just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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