It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
