Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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