Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
