I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Randomize
