I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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