first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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