And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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