I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
