i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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