Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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