So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
