Christians are straight up FREAKS
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
