took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
